There is a Cuban food truck in my town. My husband and I go there once in a while for a delicious Cuban sandwich. There is usually a man doing the cooking and a woman who takes the orders, gets the drinks, etc. I don’t know her name, but I like her. I like her because she calls me “Mommy.” (Perhaps this is how she addresses all the female customers?) She is younger than me, but I don’t think she is young enough for me to be her mother. But it still makes me feel good. Why? Because no one else on this earth calls me Mommy or Mom or Mother or Mama. (Unless you want to include my dogs, but they can’t talk!)
“Do you have children?” I am asked that question often. Usually it comes up when meeting someone new. For most people it is a normal question, similar to commenting on the weather. But for me it hurts every time. I have not been blessed with children. And it is the one thing in life that I long for the most – to carry a baby in my arms, whether my own flesh and blood, or adopted. To nurture and care for a child is one of the greatest gifts. But it is one that I have not experienced.
There are times when I believe I have actually accepted this about my life, until the subject comes up in a conversation. And then I know that I am still harboring the hurt, the rejection, and the regret of not having a child. The pain is raw once again. Deep down I long to be open and genuine, fully embracing my situation. But when I am open, I often regret it. Whoever I am speaking to will make a comment that reopens the scar.
There have been times when I would run and turn to my friends for comfort. And at the time I might receive a small bit of reassurance. But the comfort doesn’t last. My mistake is that I don’t turn to THE Comforter. One night as I lay in bed, a favorite Bible verse went through my head. It was Romans 8:28 (NLT) which says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” It’s a verse I wholeheartedly believed… except when it came to this one thing. I felt that being a mother was the single most important thing a woman could do. Raising a child would give my life meaning and purpose. Without that one thing, I had to wonder why I was even here.
But that night as I began to seek sleep, God brought that verse to mind. Suddenly I was wide awake as I heard Him whisper, “Yes, even with that.” Remembering that moment brings tears to my eyes. Knowing that in my deepest pain, God was there to soothe the scrapes and bruises on my heart.
And then I knew that I had to make a choice. Either I believed God or I didn’t.
Perhaps you are facing a similar pain in your life. It might not be about children necessarily. Maybe it was a choice from your past that you regret. Or it could be a dream you long to see fulfilled. Whatever might be weighing on you today, remember that God has a way of making things more beautiful than we could ever imagine. He can take the biggest disappointments and create an amazing testimony. Lay it all down at God’s feet. Your regrets, your broken dreams, your fears, and your suffering. He can and will work all things together for good. He will pick up every jagged piece of your life, place them all together like a jigsaw puzzle, and create a beautiful masterpiece, if you allow Him to.