I confess, I enjoyed school. I liked learning and for the most part, it came easy for me.
If you exclude math and science.
Anyway, I had a photographic memory and when I’d do my homework, I would retain a lot of the information. I’d throw in a few minutes for studying, and I had pretty decent grades. When I went to college, I was warned it would be very challenging. Although I had more papers to write, I enjoyed the reading and did well with the quizzes and tests. Academics were not a huge stretch for me back in the day.
I realized lately I’ve applied my high school work habits to my faith. I’d throw up a prayer or two and consider it good. If I made time for devotions, I skimmed because there was so much I’d already read on that theme, or I knew the verse. Pride snuck in because I am a huge reader and Bible study participant. There hasn’t been a lot of major revelations for me when it came to my reading time.
I was so off track I was giving myself a little pat on the shoulder for taking the time to try, despite knowing all there was to know.
Pride absolutely comes before a fall and I feel what I’m learning lately has me in a spiritual free-fall. I can pray for so many people and situations and believe God, but when my kids are hurting, I’m undone.
And it hit me, my high school approach to faith won’t cut it.
What worked last year isn’t enough anymore. Not even three months ago. Probably not even three days ago. There are so many situations in our home and with people we care about that a little time on my Bible app and a quick “Hey, God, bless her…” prayer isn’t enough.
With that revelation, I’m thirsting after Him. I still do the “quick” verses from my Bible app reading, but I am journaling more. I have a 90 day devotional I am reading from, and I am also taking my time with Anne Graham Lotz The Daniel Prayer. Although my first thought is to think I know the book of Daniel already, I am putting my pride down at the foot of the Cross and I’m ready to learn an additional or new way to approach my heavenly Father.
I also moved my prayer place. I had an office a couple years ago, but my husband now works from home and he truly needs the space. My son is done with his freshman year of college, so he’s home. In a matter of weeks, our middle schooler is done with her school year, and she’ll be home. Having my prayer books and devotionals in the dining room isn’t going to cut it anymore.
I brought my books upstairs to the bedroom and decided as I air dry my hair, I’m going to be reading and praying. By then my husband is already working, so the room is mine. I can hear the birds and feel His presence. And I can go after Him hard.
This is something I just started and I feel different already. My senses are opened and I’m ready to receive. No more high school read and remember approach. I want to take the time. Learn. Change. Grow. Already challenges are hitting that threaten my peace and make me contemplate going back to old ways. But an old “wineskin” can’t keep new wine. I’ve got to press in. Life is too precious and the call on my life to pray and believe God is too important to be mediocre about it.
So, that’s my confession and game plan.
Did you study like I did in high school? Do you struggle with pride when it comes to spending time with God? Share away, I’d love to read your story.
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