First, I have an announcement to make to those of you who have been missing James Rubart’s posts. You might recall he showed us a picture of his house after a huge tree fell on it several months ago. I happened to run into him at a conference recently, and he said he had a week or two more to get everything repaired. What a nightmare! So say a prayer for Jim as you think of him. It’s no fun to have your house destroyed.
Now it’s time to suspend your disbelief with our advice to the lovelorn.
I’m pretty devastated right now. After all Zack, my fiance, and I have been through this past year, we finally came to terms with our break-up, and we made up. It’s been wonderful until now.
Never take a job working for someone you love, because that can make all kinds of trouble for the relationship. Today he said he would have to fire me! And you know why? Because of a crabby woman on the hospital board who hates my mother and wants to take it out on me. Oh, sure, Zack says I need to speed up because I am, after all, a physician in an emergency department, and when we get busy I have to move faster and faster, but if he would look at the patient charts, he’ll see I’ve caught a lot of illnesses that would have been missed had I not been so thorough. I didn’t train to be an emergency physician, I simply took the job out of desperation. I never wanted to work for him in the first place, but he’s the ER director, and I needed the job.
I became so angry I told him I quit. Let him find someone else. Or let the bitter, controlling president of the hospital board beat the bushes for a doc who’ll want to work here. They can certainly use fourth year med students in the school attached to the hospital. I have to fulfill my duties for the next few weeks, but it’s going to be difficult dealing with Zack, knowing he was more willing to side with a bitter woman whose only reason for getting rid of me was to hurt my mother’s name in our small hometown. I’m trying to decide if I want to be married to a man who would turn against me like this. How would I be able to trust him after marriage?
Please give me some advice, Hannah.
Ouch! I can only imagine the pain you’re feeling right now, especially after dealing with the fallout of one breakup with Zack already. Have I mentioned how vital it is to seek premarital counseling? This is especially important when you’ve had misunderstandings in the past. If I were you, I’d go back over the conversation and write down everything that was said during your conversation with Zack. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to misunderstand, or respond with anger until the pattern escalates into one huge mess.
Talk to him alone, when neither of you will be interrupted. Turn off your cell phones and talk. Keep your voice quiet. Take slow, deep breaths to remain calm as you discuss the situation, and tell him how you feel. Don’t hurl accusations at him, just speak gently to him, no matter how difficult that might be. If the two of you can talk this out, and then if you can bring in someone you trust to counsel with both of you, it’s possible this problem can be smoothed over. But if he doesn’t have a good explanation for the way he treated you, it might be time to put off the wedding plans until you can both be at peace about this situation. And I don’t think you should ever work for him again.